


Storm

by TaMeaut



Series: Storm Arc [1]
Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaMeaut/pseuds/TaMeaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jong Ha makes a decision that is going to change his life, and maybe others, forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storm

**Title** : Storm  
 **Series** : Sungkyunkwan Scandal  
 **Soundtrack** : Storm – Lifehouse  
 **Spoilers** : -  
 **Summary** : Jong Ha makes a decision that is going to change his life, and maybe others, forever.  
 **Excerpt** : ” _it was Jae Shin that took it the hardest. He immediately sprung up on his feet and stormed out of the Gu household_ ”  
 **Time frame** : After series end  
 **Pairings** : Gu Yong Ha/Moon Jae Shin  
 **Word count** : ~4000  
 **Rating** : T (songfic, angst)  
 **Warning** :  
 **Other** : The lyrics in “ _italic_ ” are from "Storm" by Lifehouse and the text in “ _ **italic**_ ” quote is from Confucius  
Thanks:

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

“ _how long have I been in this storm  
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form  
water's getting harder to tread  
with these waves crashing over my head_”

 

“Ok, father. I will do it.”

“And don’t you tell me that you refuse....what...what did you say.” Yong Ha's father was completely taken aback by Yong Ha's admittance. Never had Gu Yong Ha agreed to do anything his father had asked from him before. This was new.  
Sitting down merchant Gu contently thought that finally his son was taking his responsibilities as the future head of the family.  
“Brilliant, brilliant!” Merchant Gu continued rubbing his hands in pleasure.  
“Then I will prepare everything, and you can say goodbye to your friends in the mean time.”

“Yes, father.” Yong Ha's voice seemed slightly flat but his father didn’t notice in his joy of finally getting his son to do something useful instead of just loitering around playing with gisaeng.

“Then if there was nothing more, I am leaving”, Yong Ha stated and with a swift move he stood up and left the room before his father could object.

Well outside Yong Ha could feel nothing at his decision. He was as empty as a Ming vase. Hollow.  
Not knowing where to go or what to do he went to his room and brought out a bottle of the strongest wine he could find and started pouring.

I will need to have a goodbye party, he thought as he had reached half the bottle. Yes, I think I will, and I shall invite only the Jalgeum Quartet. It will be like nothing has ever changed. Yes, it will be like before all this happened. He smiled at the idea of Sun Joon and Yon Hee drunk again, but the smile faltered as Jae Shin came into his mind. Suddenly his earlier emptiness was filled to the brim and flowing over, flowing over and spilling into his eyes.  
Wiping the wetness away with his sleeve he was about to pour himself another cup when he found the cup to small and resolutely grabbed the entire bottle instead and in one go emptied it.  
Yes, this was really for the best.  
After all that had happened he didn't know what else to do.  
His feelings for Jae Shin had just gotten stronger and stronger while their relationship had not changed at all. Yong Ha knew for sure that his love was not shared by Jae Shin and for every day that went by it hurt more and more until it had become unbearable.  
I cannot go on like this anymore.  
I am turning into someone I don't like.  
I have to do this.  
Yes, this will be a good idea, he thought, and then it will all end, he added as he could feel himself slowly drowning.

“ _if I could just see you  
everything will be alright  
if I'd see you  
the storminess will turn to light_”

“Wow, Yeorim sayung, you have really outdone yourself this time!” Yon Hee exclaimed with glittering eyes as she sat down by the table. Sun Joon also agreed and with a bright smile he started pouring a cup to everyone seated.  
Yong Ha was pleased, he really had outdone himself. Taking utmost care in the decorations and preparation of the food and drinks he had spared no expense. His room was lit up with soft candles everywhere and the food was welling over the edges of his small table.

Yong Ha was content. This was the best gift he could give them before he...He didn't finish the thought for he wasn't sure he would be able to contain himself. Instead he laughed at something Yon Hee had just told and relished in the warmth of his friends.

Jae Shin was sitting next to him, also laughing. Yong Ha could feel the heat radiate from him, as always, and he stopped himself mentally as he was just about to causally put his arm around Jae Shins shoulders, as usual. No, he had promised himself that he wouldn't do that anymore. He didn't know if it was because he wouldn't to be able to live through to yet again feel Jae Shin throw his arm off in annoyance or if it was because if he did he would break down sobbing, begging Jae Shin to love him.  
Stop it, Yong ha, he mentally argued with himself, this is a happy evening, don't ruin it by being miserable.  
Yes, just soak up your friends and loved ones one last time, so you can always remember.  
So Yong Ha turned of his inner battle and turned to the light of his friends that seemed to seep out in the night and illuminate everything, even the deepest darkest corners of Yong Ha's mind, and for the first time in a long time Yong Ha could feel himself relax. He had made the decision and this was right, he could feel it.

“A toast to my best friends. I shall hold you I my heart always...”

“ _and I will walk on water  
and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes  
and everything will be alright_”

“Jae Shin, there is someone for you out there too, I know it...” Yong Ha added as Jae Shin was watching Sun Joon and Yon Hee walking together hand in hand.

“Ah...” was all Jae Shin added following the couple with his eyes until they had disappeared around the corner.

“Jae Shin?”

“Ah...”

“Would you do something for me?”  
“After tonight I will never ask anything of you again, so please...”

“As you wish...” Jae Shin was still looking into the night and only casually listening to Yong Ha, but the next words out of Yong Ha's mouth made him whip his head around, mouth gaping.

“Just once... without asking any questions...Would you hold me? Really hold me...”

“Wha...” and then he realised that he had already promised and after all he was a man of word. So slightly awkward at first not really knowing how to begin, he turned to Yong Ha, took a step forward raising his arms and grabbed Yong Ha's frozen body in a crushing grip. As he could feel Yong Ha relaxing into his grip he came to the realisation that he had never before hugged Yong Ha.  
Never in ten years have I hugged Yong Ha. What an astonishing thought. But we always hug? Yes, but it is always Yong Ha who throws his arms around you, isn't it?  
And with these thoughts dancing around in his head he gripped Yong Ha even closer, realising that hugging your best friend was actually quite pleasant.

“Thank you Jae Shin, my very, very best friend...“ He could hear Yong Ha murmur into his coat and he wondered if that thumping beat he could feel through the silk was Yong Ha's heartbeat.

If Jae Shin thought something was wrong he didn't say anything as he finally released the grip and gathering up his belongings and saying good night to Yong Ha started walking home.

“and later would you please never think of me again...as I will never think of you again...ever” Yong Ha added silently as Jae Shin started walking, knowing he would not be able to hear him.

Watching the back of Jae Shin as she walked out of the gate and Yong Ha's life was almost too much.  
Yong Ha's fingers dug into the wooden frame of the door as he was trying to physically hold himself back from running after Jae Shin to feel his touch again.  
This is the for the best...for the best...best...The words on endless repeat in his mind as a mantra.  
Too busy from keeping himself to run after Jae Shin he didn't even notice the flood of tears that was wetting his cheeks.

“ _I know you didn't  
bring me out here to drown  
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down  
barely surviving Ha's become my purpose  
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_”

With tears still streaming down his lovely face, Yong Ha was sitting alone at the table, with the rests of their feast in front of him reminding him about the futility of trying to hold on to fleeting dreams.

What can I do, except this?  
There is nothing I can do, he answered himself.  
Jae Shin will always be just a fingertips length outside of my grasp.  
Just in front of me but so far away.  
I never again want to see him fall in love like he did with Yon Hee it just hurt far to much.  
Sobbing openly now,Yong Ha stood up on slightly wobbly legs to find himself another bottle. Luckily he always had a stock in his room, just in case Jae Shin would stop over. Like he used to do. That he will never ever do again.

Finally finding another bottle he unceremoniously put it to his lips and started swallowing down. Yes, this is the best thing that could have happened.  
The best thing.

So how come he felt like he was slowly sinking? No, not felt like, he really was sinking in a ocean of darkness. He could feel it crawling underneath his skin, like something was about to burst out. For each swallow of the wine he could feel the mask he had held in place for so long, crack and fall of and what was hidden underneath was hideous. Jealousy, despair, pain, hurt, passion, lust, shame, love. He had kept it under control for so long that he had almost forgotten he could feel it. But it was all there, lurking, waiting, biding its time until...until...and opening.

As soon as it felt the crack, everything came flooding out in a huge torrent, enough to make Yong Ha gasp out loudly. His legs no longer carrying him he fell down in a puddle with his robes around him. Lost in the storm of emotions he looked around the room. Everything here reminded him of Jae Shin. The table where he had sat so many times, the cups that he had touched with his lips. The pillows he had sat on. Even the black robe he kept there as change in case something happened.  
Yong Ha stood up and moved towards the cabinet where he kept his clothing but being very, very drunk he managed to bump into the low table and loosing his balance he flailed with his arms grabbing hold of the closest thing. It was the precious vase he had nicked from his father, but instead of recovering his balance he only managed to sweep it down and then fall right on top of it. The crash was deafening and the impact made his arm numb.

Yong Ha didn't care. He kept going for the cabinet and finally managed to pry it open and take out the black piece of clothing that had been his goal.  
Carefully unfolding it he slowly brought it to his face and breathed in the scent.  
The subtle smell immediately brought the face of Jae Shin to his mind. The unkempt hair standing in a halo around him, those plushy, voluptuous lips, those coffee brown eyes that could be so tender, that small smile that he would only show Yong Ha, his large warm hands, his smooth caramel skin.  
I shall never see him again...  
Yong Ha folded over as the pain was too much to bear. His heart was breaking, no shattering.  
Searching again for the bottle he downed it, still clutching the fabric, knuckles turning white.

For over ten years he had hidden his unrequited love for Jae Shin but after tonight he would bury these feelings so deep that they would never resurface again. Maybe Yong Ha would never resurface again either. But what did it matter, there was nothing he could do except his best, and this was his best.  
He could only let him go.  
For there was nothing else he could do.

But not tonight.  
Tonight would be the last time he indulged. Yes tonight would be the last time he would think about Moon Jae Shin.  
The last time.  
Violent sobs wrecked Yong Ha's body for a long time as he bent over the black fabric that smelt just like love.

When there were no more tears inside and Yong Ha was hoarse with crying he took a decision.  
Raising himself from the pillows he had come to the brilliant idea that he should probably get rid of everything that reminded him of Jae Shin. Then maybe it would be easier.  
Yes, I should remove everything that reminds me of him then I can forget. And without any further due he took a pillow and ripped it in two spilling its fluffy content over the table.

“ _if I could just see you  
everything will be alright  
if I see you  
the storminess will turn to light_”

Jae Shin was annoyed. Did they know what hour this was? He was still slightly drunk after Yong Ha's feast and very tired, and they wanted him to come to Yong Ha's house again, right now.

Aish, that Yong Ha, he was such a spoilt brat. What does he want now?

Grabbing his outer coat Jae Shin went out to the servant waiting to guide him back.  
“Oh, thank you sir, thank you, thank you...” The servant immediately threw himself on the ground and started crying loudly to Jae Shins astonishment.  
“We don't know what to do...Young master is not himself...we don't know what to do...oh please thank you for coming”

“What..?” Jae shin didn't understand anything the servant was blabbering about but it sounded like something had happened to Yong Ha.

“..and then he started throwing things..and..oh thank you for coming...we know that he only listens you...oh please make him stop so we can treat his cut...”

Jae Shin was starting to feel more worried than bothered when he understood some of the things the servant was rambling about. Something was seriously wrong with Yong Ha and so they had sent for Jae Shin, thinking he was the only one that could help.  
“Lets go” Jae shin egged on the servant and started sprinting towards the merchant area with his heart pounding away in his ribcage.

…

The devastation was the worst Jae Shin had ever seen. The entire room looked like a tornado had hit it with destroyed furniture, ripped silk and down from the pillows flying around the room like little white clouds.  
And in the middle of it was a very drunk, dishevelled Yong Ha furiously ripping out the drawers of a chest, emptying the content on the floor as he proceeded.

Jae Shin just gaped. Had the weak, utterly vain, never prone to violence Yong Ha, done all of this, and to his own precious things as well? What ever had gotten into him?

“Yong Ha!” Jae Shin called out to get his attention but Yong Ha was hearing nothing in his frenzy.

“Yong Ha” Jae Shin took a step towards him but had to duck as a drawer came flying over his head. Taking another step he realised that mingled with the things scattered around was stains of something red. Startled he looked to Yong Ha and realised that the entire sleeve of his green vest was stained red.

He was hurt? Jae Shins heart was frantically beating away making Jae Shin slightly breathless. Yong Ha was seriously hurt and completely out of his mind. What was Jae Shin supposed to do?  
Yong Ha was still frantically throwing things around so Jae Shin, taking a step closer brought his arms up and grabbed Yong Ha from behind in a crushing hug, completely enveloping him in his embrace in an attempt to make him stop.  
“Yong Ha...please stop..I beg you..” Jae Shin pleaded in Yong Ha's ear.

Yong Ha froze.  
“J..ae Shin...?”

Jae Shin could feel Yong Ha's entire body tremble and the hoarse voice that was so unlike Yong Ha's usually vibrant one that it made Jae Shins heart contract.

“Please stop Yong Ha, you are hurt...please let us help you...”

“Hurt? Yes, yes...I am ...hurt...my heart...my heart hurts so much...I feel like dying...” Yong Ha's voice broke several times as he incoherently kept rambling.

“Yong Ha what are you doing?” Jae Shin had to ask.

“Ah, I am cleaning..I have to get rid of some of my things...”

“Cleaning?!” It seemed incredulous to Jae Shin as he glanced across the devastation.

“or I think...my heart wont survive...ah ...I almost forgot...” Yong Ha struggled out of Jae Shins grip and going down on his knees and started searching for something.

“Here...you should take this...” Never looking up Yong Ha offered Jae Shin a neatly folded package. Carefully taking it Jae Shin realised that it was his old coat that he had left some time ago for spare. Surprised he noted that, unlike everything thrashed in Yong Ha's room, it was perfectly folded and pristine although slightly moist. Yong Ha must have spilled something on it.

“you should take it back...there is no need to keep it here anymore..no need.” Yong Ha added still not looking up.

With the arrival of Jae Shin it seemed as if Yong Ha had calmed down where he was now sitting on the floor. Jae Shin thought he looked just like a lost child in the midst of a war, a heartbreaking thought.

Putting the black cloth to the side he joined Yong Ha on the floor.  
“Yong Ha, what is wrong?...Please tell me....”

“Ah...nothing is wrong...I am just cleaning a bit, before...” Yong Ha's voice faded out and then he added in a whisper  
“Why?”

“Eh?” Jae Shin didn't understand the question  
.  
“Why...you were almost...gone...” and Yong Ha turned to Jae Shin with his head still bowed down and started hitting Jae Shins chest feebly with is fists.  
“Why did you come back?...why...I had almost forgotten...why...why...why” and for each “why” he would enforce it with a hit of his fist until the words got lower and lower and his hits got softer and softer and Yong Ha fell forward, held up only by Jae Shins chest.

Jae Shin, who had just remained there quietly taking the abuse, gripped Yong Ha's shoulders and gently put him down so his head rested in Jae Shins lap. And for the first time since he had come he could really see Yong Ha's face.  
Jae Shins gasped out as the he traced the tear streaked face. On one cheek Yong had a big blotch of what looked like blood and on the side of his temple he had a blue-purple bruise that he must have got in his frenzy of “cleaning”. His hair had come out of the knot and stood wildly around his heart shaped face and some downs had gotten stuck in it. Jae Shin picking the little downs realised that he had never seen Yong Ha like this before. He had always been so composed, so perfect, so pristine. Never revealing anything, always showing his smiling face.  
This was the first time Jae Shins thought of how fragile Yong Ha really was, and it touched him right in the heart.

Finally Jae Shin could hear the regular breathing of Yong Ha and understood that he was asleep. Jae Shin breathed out. He had no idea what was going on but at least they could treat the wound now.

He waved in the servants that silently tiptoed in, bringing supplies so Jae Shin could treat the sleeping Yong Ha. Carefully removing the upper garment of Yong Ha and sliding it of his wounded arm, Jae Shin gasped as he saw the long edgy cut that went along the entire part of his upper arm.  
Carefully removing the shards still lodged in the wound Jae Shin managed to clean and tie it up rather professionally, after all he had had lots of practice on himself.

Casting a second glance at the sleeping Yong Ha he grabbed him under the neck and legs and stood up with the weight in his arms and walked over to the mattress. Tenderly putting Yong Ha down and pulling the cover over him he sat down next to him and just watched his face as he slept.

Somehow the thought of leaving now was making Jae Shin think that he might not see Yong Ha again. Foolish thought. He chuckled to himself, he didn't believe in omens but he knew that there was something wrong and that Yong Ha didn't want to tell him what it was.  
Now that he thought about it Yong Ha had been strange for some time now. Jae Shin couldn’t put the finger on it since it was more a gut feeling, but it never lied.

So he spent the rest of the night sitting next to his best friend watching him sleep while pondering on Yong Ha's actions.

In the morning Jae Shin sneaked out and went home, before Yong Ha could wake. He was slightly embarrassed at the idea of sitting next to Yong Ha an entire night so he decided he would call on him later to talk about what had happened.

Jae Shin had to find out or he would go crazy.

“ _and I will walk on water  
and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes  
and everything will be alright_”

Two days later, three annoyed young men were standing outside the gates of the Gu household.

“Oh, what can I do for the young masters, today?” The servant asked slightly surprised at seeing the three young men.

“Yes, we would like to meet Gu Yong Ha please”, Yon Hee politely retorted thinking it weird that she had to state her business, after all was there any other reason for them to come here?.

“Young master isn't here anymore” the servant replied.

“Might I inquire when you are expecting him back?” Yon Hee continued slightly enervated at this seemingly daft servant.

“Young master isn't coming back.”the servant answered slightly snobbish thinking that these young men might be scholars but they must not be very intelligent.

“What do you mean he isn't coming back, where is he?” Jae Shin had finally had enough of this idiot.

“Young master left for Qing two days ago and we are not expecting him back any time soon.” The servant was about to close the door on the three petrified men when merchant Gu spotted them and decided to greet them.

...

“Eh, he didn't tell you?” Merchant Gu exclaimed loudly not believing the rudeness of his, usually so polite son.  
“Yong Ha has been sent to Qing to be the main negotiator for the merchant guild. He will be gone for at least 5 years if not more.”

All three made choking sounds of surprise but it was Jae Shin that took it the hardest. He immediately sprung up on his feet and stormed out of the Gu household.

If the ground had opened up and swallowed Jae Shin he would have been less surprised that at what he had heard. Storming down the street a tempest of feelings was threatening to smother him.  
Yong Ha had left and he was never coming back? Ever?  
Yong Ha who had followed him around for ten years putting his nose into every tiny thing Jae Shin was doing was not here anymore to annoy him?  
Yong Ha who always teased him and threw his arm around him was gone?  
His Yong Ha who had always been there had left for Qing and not even told him he was going?  
His Yong Ha, his shadow, his...

Why am I thinking of Yong Ha as mine? Jae Shin stopped short in his tracks.

He must have had a reason. A good reason. A very, very good reason.

But what?

“ _and everything will be alright_ ”

“Sayung, Yong Ha left you a letter...” Sun Joon grabbed Jae Shins arms when he finally caught up to him and held out the letter.

Jae Shin ripped it out of his hand and teared it open eager for an explanation, but instead of a lengthy explanation Yong Ha had only left one phrase.  
“ ** _Wherever you go, go with all your heart._** ”

“What does that mean? What does he mean?” Jae Shin was growling in frustration. What did Yong Ha mean by this cryptic saying? ...go with all your heart...

“Sayung...doesn't it mean that Yong Ha left with the intent of never returning?” Yon Hee added when she finally got to read the letter.

Then, and only then did Jae Shin finally realise.

Yong Ha was really gone...and he had taken his heart with him.

“ _and everything will be alright_ ”


End file.
